"As I sit here, writing this to you, coffee and bacon roll at my side, music blaring, I do absolutely everything in my power not to scream. I foce myself not to leap from my chair, to tear the room apart, to shout, scream, cry. My eyes drift, unseeing, to the bathroom door. I know there's a good supply of razor blades in there. But frustratingly, my common sense is still with me enough to know that would be stupid at the moment. College. With all the changing for that stupid movie, they'd be bound to notice.
"College. Hah. I didn't even hear my alarm this morning. I wouldn't have been able to see to turn it off. My eyes were still glued together this morning at 7. Well, I guess you deserve an explanation.
"It was pretty late when I got home last night. 12:30? 1am? I can't really remember. I was quite tired so I put my mp3 player on and let it blast me with music. Just as I started to undress, our song came on and I danced to it while undressing. Guess it kinda turned into a strip tease of sorts. Even though you weren't there on my bed, as far as I could see, I sensed you there. When I went to brush my teeth, about half way through, something brushed against my side and I could have SWORN I heard your voice say something, though I don't know what it was because of the music. When I got into bed, I snuggled down as I usually do. Just as I was falling asleep, I felt an arm slide around my waist and warmth against my back.
"About half an hour later, something nudged my hip and I heard a whisper of "wake up." I opened my eyes and my gaze fell instantly on my phone. My alarm wouldn't go off if my phone was dead, which it was. I murmured a thank-you and got up to find my little alarm clock. To see to set it, I had to switch the light on, which I did. I set the alarm and looked over to my bed, where you were laying, on your back, one leg bent at the knee, your hands behind your head. It wasn't a surprise. I expected you to be there. You just smiled. I switched off the light and returned to bed, which, may I add, was still warm after about a minute of me not being in it. I rested my head on your chest, my one leg over yours, my arm over your waist. I could hear your heart beat, damnit. It was all so fucking real.
"I must've fallen asleep again pretty soon after that, and I continued to dream of you. It was the morning. I woke up to you kissing me. God, I could taste your lips, feel the warmth radiating from your body. You were there, you really were. I was sure of it.
"Until I woke up, that is. I was shivering, my cheeks were wet, and I was completely, utterly alone. Your side of the bed was ice cold. I curled up to myself and cried. I sobbed. I let myself loose for the first time since I'd cried with you that night. I exhausted myself, and fell asleep, only to be overwhelmed by being so alone once again when I woke up in the afternoon. Even as I write this, my eyes well with tears. It was so real, Babe.. so vivid..
"Yours always.
Roxi."
- Mood:
Miserable - Listening to: "Here Without You" - Three Doors Down.
- Reading: "Industrial Magic" - Kelly Armstrong.
- Watching: The minutes tick by.
- Playing: Maintain Your Sanity.
- Eating: A bacon roll.
- Drinking: Coffee.
Random Poem - Reply
Defeated
